food review: haggis

Approximately two weeks into studying abroad in Edinburgh, I tried haggis for the first time. Haggis is a savory "pudding" of various parts of a sheep traditionally encased in its stomach and, as far as I know, the most quintessential Scottish cuisine (fish and chips being more broadly British and deep fried Mars bars being more specific to Edinburgh). My flatmates and I, being the economical international students that we are, decided to buy it at the grocery store and cook it for Burns' Night, a holiday on which everyone celebrates the poet Robert Burns with a traditional Scottish meal and poetry readings. One of these readings is an address to the haggis. I'm sure some cultures do stranger things than talk to their food so we'll not question that for now.

Anyway, enough context, the point here is really the taste of the haggis. I can only describe it as “what you would expect.” Which is to say, I feel like I could have approximated its composition had I not already known what was in it. So I’m afraid, in this situation, the phrase “ignorance is bliss” does not hold true. After I tried it, my Danish flatmate's English friend asked "Don't you feel like you understand Scottish culture now?" Well, if that taste was supposed to tell me something about Scottish culture, I'd rather have nothing to do with it. Not that it tasted bad, see. It just...it tasted the way one would imagine random body parts of a sheep wrapped up in its stomach to taste (though of course in this case it was wrapped in plastic). Words like "musty” and "questionable" come to mind. Therefore, in my defense, hopefully one would understand that the idea of immersing myself in a culture that tastes like lungs, heart, and liver all ground up and homogenized is less than appealing.

[Tangent: another thing I experienced that was later described to me as "quintessentially Scottish" was a fight that broke out between a Scotsman and a Pole (with what I thought was a waffle but my friend swears was a cheeseburger in his mouth, and who I can only assume was Polish because of the Scotsman yelling unintelligible things interspersed with “ya Polish cunt”) outside of a McDonald's at 1:00 am.]

The other issue was one of texture. Haggis is mostly a paste, like patte, but peppered with little squishy white round things that I prayed were made of flour and not bits of animal fat. Upon further research, I found that it might have been oatmeal but at the time I just tried not to think about it. Also important: haggis is truly one of the least attractive foods you will ever eat:

In any case (no pun intended), I don't think my grasp of Scottish culture is any better, but perhaps my feelings towards it can be summed up by my haggis experience: it was okay but I wouldn't go out of my way to consume it again. Which would bring me to the next question, "What the fuck am I doing in Scotland anyway?" but that's a story for another time.